it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
