it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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