you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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