A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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