whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
