do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
