Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
