jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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