I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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