Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize