So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
