Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
