Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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