He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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