Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We need a shit load of segways right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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