matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
