how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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