Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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