We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
