Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
