90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
