You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
