Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
