I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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