Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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