we have officially lost it.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to stop coming to work sober
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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