Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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