She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
