Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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