If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
