Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
