no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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