I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
