in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
