The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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