so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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