At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
