apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
