i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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