32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
