I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
