Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
