these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize