they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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