Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
