I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
FUCK WHALES
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
