I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
