well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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