Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
