I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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