At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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