He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
