u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
