One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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