I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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