There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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