Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
