I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i out mim tonsoeep
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