I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
