im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
