Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
