This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
