I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
