Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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