I am spending my child support on dildos
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize