This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
