he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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