i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
