just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
