Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize