I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
