if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
