Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
