I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
