Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
